As I sit here writing, I feel like I have lost my will to lose weight. My mind tells me I can't do it. I look at my body and my clothes and think I can't change, I was crazy for thinking it. NO! I am crazy for thinking it can't happen! This time last year I was getting ready for my 3rd 5k race! This time last year I was bound and determined that I could get rid of this weight and be the person I wanted to be, not what other people wanted me to be. The difference between last year and this year? I am off my antidepressants (which hadn't been working for awhile anyways), I haven't done ONE 5k yet this year, let alone even signed up for one. I don't go to the gym every day and put it IN MY SCHEDULE that I'm going and see the reminder there every time I look at the calendar. I keep coming back to this blog thinking every week I will change, tomorrow. No, it needs to be today. I am NOT happy with myself and the way I feel so I need to do something to change that! One thing is I have been so busy doing volunteer work. I think this is great, but the first thing I need to learn to say is NO! I can say yes and hate it the whole time and feel the anxiety and pressures so much easier instead of just saying no! I know that some activities if I don't say yes will never happen, but that should not feel like it's my fault! Being a mom, I really need to learn to take time for myself. That is my goal this week, time to myself. That can be my daily devotional time AND something more. I'm going to try and get one gym time in this week. I might need to bribe myself, but it needs to be done. I am also going to try to log EVERYTHING I eat at myfitnesspal. My user name is yo8798 if you want to send me some encouragement :) I apologize that my posts like this are random, I apologize that they might not be encouraging to you, but I don't apologize for me! This is me! This is the workings of a crazy mom of 3 that after 6 years of having one, then two, then three kids has still lost her mind and still can't balance her life! I'm the normal, average overweight, unhappy, loving my kids but not myself mom who NEEDS to put her life back in check!
Starting (January 7) : 278.4 lbs
Week 2 (Jan 14): 279.0 lbs
Week 3 (Jan 21): 280.8 lbs
Week 4 (Jan 28): 278.8 lbs
Week 9 (Mar 4): 281.4 lbs